


Murray's True Love

by der_tanzer



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-20
Updated: 2010-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-09 14:42:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/der_tanzer/pseuds/der_tanzer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murray falls in love twice in 48 hours.  But who's the real love of his life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Janie

**Author's Note:**

> Warming for non-canon character death.

Nick let the phone ring for a long time, hoping Cody would break first and answer it. But he could hear Cody in the next bunk, fake snoring the way he did when he didn't want to answer the phone. Maybe Murray…

That made him get up. Murray always answered by the fourth ring. The phone was still ringing, therefore Murray wasn't home, therefore Murray was probably the one calling. As he pulled on his pants he saw Cody finally rolling out of bed, apparently having reached the same conclusion.

"He better not be in jail again," Cody muttered, following Nick to the phone. "We can't pay any more bail if we want to keep eating."

"No, Quinlan likes him now. He's probably just lost." He picked up the phone, brushing away Cody, who was trying to listen over his shoulder. _Now you want to talk?_ he mouthed irritably. Cody shrugged but didn't back up much. "Hello? This is Nick." A long pause and then the expected, "Hold on, Boz, slow down. Yeah, uh-huh—okay, buddy, okay. Yeah, we'll be right there." He hung up and turned around, bumping into Cody, who was smiling rather uncertainly.

"If he's in jail you owe me breakfast."

"Get your shirt. He's fine, we just have to go pick him up."

"Where? It's seven in the morning. Where can he possibly be?"

"About half a mile from here, sounds like. Where are my shoes?"

"Half a mile? Nick, even Boz can't get lost in half a mile."

"He's not lost. He said he was getting breakfast and he met someone he wants to bring home."

"So go pick them up. I'm going to put on coffee."

"Nope, sorry. He specifically said both of us and that we need the Jimmy."

"Who the hell did he meet, Mamma Cass? And those are my shoes."

"I don't know. You know how he is. I figured it would be easier to go see than try and figure it out over the phone. Anyway, Mamma Cass is dead so how bad can it be?"

"Just because you don't have my communication skills," Cody yawned. He was sure that if he'd talked to Murray he would be back in bed by now.

"I guess if you don't want to listen to me you better start getting the phone yourself," Nick smiled, reading his mind. That was the best and worst thing about their friendship. Cody shut up and got a sweater. There was a nip in the morning air, June or not.

"So where are we going?" he asked once they were in the truck.

"I'm not sure. On the main drag, between here and the grocery store, this side of Church Street."

"They're just standing on the street? They didn't go into the coffee shop or anything?"

"Yeah, that's kind of strange. He had to have gone somewhere to find a phone…" Nick trailed off, thinking hard about why Murray would leave someone, probably a stranger, on the street in the middle of a block to call for a ride and then go back there to wait. And why did they both have to go to get him?

"Nick, are you sure it was Murray? Are we being set up again?"

"You know, we really should start asking ourselves these questions before we go running to the rescue. It was Murray, though, no question. And he sounded okay, not like when he's tied up with a gun to his head."

"But if he was okay he wouldn't have called."

"That's him, isn't it? He looks okay." Nick was pointing half a block ahead to where Murray stood waving at them. But he didn't move closer, didn't start walking toward the car, and the single bag of groceries on the bench didn't account for it.

"Yeah but who's that?" Cody slid into a parking space and cut the engine. That was when Nick saw the wheelchair on the sidewalk. People were walking around it and Murray kept glancing back at it as he waited expectantly for his friends.

"I don't know but I can tell you one thing."

"What's that?"

"Nothing good is going to come of this."

"It's a girl, isn't it? Jesus. Why can't he sleep in on Saturday like everyone else?"

They got out of the car, holding their casual smiles with a care that Murray would have seen if he'd been paying attention. They both were and they saw that the girl in the clunky power chair had been crying. She looked happier now and Nick's stomach clenched. Murray looked happy, too. Wow, that was bad. Maybe as bad as it could be.

"There you are. Guys, this is Janie Pierce. Janie, these are my friends, Nick and Cody."

She offered a tentative smile and let Nick shake her hand. Cody touched her palm lightly, saw a weird shadow cross her face, and stepped back quickly. She didn't like him, he could see that at once, and her scared eyes kept returning to Murray.

"Janie's chair broke down. I know I can fix it but we have to get it back to the boat. If you guys can just put it in the car we can get home and I'll have it fixed up in no time."

"Yeah sure," Cody said vaguely. "We can do that. But don't you have a regular—mechanic, Janie? Aren't there people who specialize in this stuff?"

"Oh it's a very simple system," Murray said. "I'm sure it's just a relay in the control box that's burned out, or maybe a broken…"

"No, no, Boz," he interrupted. "I know you can fix it, I just mean—Janie, where do you live? Who—who takes care of you?"

She looked at him steadily for a few seconds and then turned back to Murray with pleading eyes.

"We can talk about that later," he said, sounding remarkably like Nick when he was brushing off Murray's questions. "Please, guys? We can't just leave her here in the street."

"No, we can't do that," Nick said. "So how do we load this thing? I don't think we ought to try and move it with Janie sitting there. That's not right, is it?" he added, looking at her. She nodded faintly and he realized he hadn't heard her speak yet. "Murray, why don't you get in the car and I'll pick her up and give her to you. Can you hold her until we get home?" He was talking to Murray but still looking at Janie and she nodded again.

"Sure, sure," Murray said. "Just let me release the brake so you can push it. I thought about trying to push it home but I was worried about taking her on the pier by myself. You know these things are very dangerous around water, with the seatbelts and Janie not being able to swim."

"No, you're right," Cody agreed hastily. He bet that chair would sink like a rock and suppressed a shiver. Yet another good reason not to take her back to the _Riptide_, and yet that appeared to be what they were doing. She kept looking at him, red eyes narrowed, and although her wasted body didn't move in the chair he could see her yearning toward Murray. That was the only part he understood. Their skinny little friend was man enough to make her feel safe from others but not so much man that she felt threatened by him. The way she apparently felt threatened by Cody. Still, he said nothing as Murray knelt and followed her whispered instructions to disengage the motors and release the transmission brakes. She apparently asked him to do a few other things, too, because he took off her seatbelt and got the backpack off the back of the chair and put it in the truck.

"I'll just be right over there, okay?" he said gently. "You don't have to be scared, these are my friends so they're yours, too."

She whispered something that he had to lean closer to hear. He nodded, looking both sad and understanding. There was a species of shame in his face when he turned to his friends but his voice was steady.

"She wants to be sure it's you who does it, Nick," he explained. It was hard to look Cody in the eyes.

"Sure, no problem. Now how do I do it, Janie? I'm guessing there's a right way."

She made a gesture like a shrug and her gaze returned to Murray. She wanted him, that much was clear, but she was new. She didn't know that while the skinny man could almost certainly lift and carry her, he probably didn't have the coordination to get in the car at the same time.

"Okay, can you put your arm around my neck?"

She shook her head and he saw muscles twitch in her arm and shoulder as if she were trying and failing to move. Nick's stomach twisted up in another knot. He'd been hoping the stranger just couldn't walk but it looked now like she was completely immobile. Poor Murray.

"Okay then, can you just let me know if I do it wrong? If I hurt you? Because I have no idea…"

"Just get your arms as far around her as you can," Murray said. "Here, I'll support her head."

Nick lifted her carefully, shocked at how light her bony frame was. Murray cradled her head in one long, angular hand, and Nick saw how it fell back whenever he relaxed his wrist or they moved apart a little. God, the girl had nothing. How did Boz get them into these things?

Murray slid into the truck, absurdly pleased to be getting to ride up front, and took her in his arms. Nick helped arrange her arms and legs and buckled the seatbelt around both of them. It wasn't safe or particularly comfortable but they were only going half a mile. Murray kept his left arm around her and held her head against his shoulder with his right hand, allowing it to mostly cover her face. She peered apprehensively around it as Nick and Cody lifted her chair into the back. Murray reminded them not to tip it too much, saying something unintelligible (to them, at least) about the batteries. It must have been correct because Janie nodded. She looked more apprehensive when she saw Cody get behind the wheel and he knew she didn't like having her back to him. Murray understood part of that from what she'd already told him and he could guess the rest. It wasn't right or fair but Cody would understand when he knew.

At the pier they ran into new problems. Nothing about it was wheelchair accessible, even if the chair did work. Cody parked as close as he could and then they had to discuss it. No one had to say that Cody wasn't allowed to touch her, it was all over her face. So Nick got her out of the truck and carried her all the way to the _Riptide_, Murray close beside to support her head. When they got there, Murray dragged a chair onto the dock and sat down to receive her again. Then Nick went back to help Cody with the chair.


	2. Histories

"You're being so nice and you don't even know me," she whispered.

"We always help people, Janie. The guys are great about that, they'll do anything for anyone. I guess you don't like Cody much but it's just because you don't know him. He's really a great guy."

"I'm sure he is," she said vaguely. "And I won't bother you long, I promise. I'll find somewhere to go." What she meant was it would be okay when they put her out on the street again but Murray didn't know that. He assumed in spite of everything that someone loved her for who she was and they could find that person they way they found so many others. It was just a matter of looking.

"You can stay here until we figure it out," he said easily. "The boat's not very—accessible—but we'll manage, right? We can make a bed in the main salon so you'll be in the middle of things, have lots of company…"

"No, please. I'd rather be with you. I don't like being in the middle of things."

"Oh, sure, whatever you want. You can have my room and I'll—I'll…"

"Stay with me, please. You can't really leave me alone and I can't raise my voice for long so someone has to be close by."

"Oh. Oh, yes, of course. I could rig up some sort of alarm system, something with bells and maybe lights—oh, but that might bother the guys. No, you're right, I'll stay close to you. Hey, don't look so sad. It'll be fun. Have you ever been on a boat like this? It's like living on a giant water bed."

"No, I've never been on a boat at all. It's kind of exciting but—I'm scared, Murray. I just met you and Cody, he—well, never mind that. I'm just—scared."

"Sure, I understand. If I were in your position I would be, too. But we're—I mean, we want to be—your friends. It'll be okay."

When Nick and Cody finally got there Nick took her back and sat down in Murray's place. Murray reengaged the motors to make sure her chair wouldn't role away and then he and Cody climbed on board to get his equipment.

"Are you going to tell me where you live?" he asked as soon as they were alone. "I guess you told Murray and he accepted it but something you might already have figured out about Boz is that he accepts a lot. He's—naïve—I guess is the word. But I'm not and protecting Murray is one of my missions in life."

"I don't want to hurt him. He's a sweet guy," she murmured. "I lived in a nursing home. This morning I ran away. I'm an adult, Nick, I can go where I want."

"Will they be looking for you?"

"Maybe. Probably not. They're bad people and I imagine they're hoping I just disappear. Without Murray I probably wouldn't survive the day but I'd rather die fast than keep dragging this out. I don't live anywhere and no one wants me."

"What was wrong at the home? Did they starve you?"

"The food wasn't good but it's not why I'm so thin. Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"So you don't have anywhere to go? You just walked out of there, going nowhere?"

"Anywhere else is better. If I have to I'll walk right off this pier before I go back. If you don't want me on your boat that's fine, you don't owe me anything."

"Well, actually, it's Cody's boat. But he'll be glad to have you stay, I'm sure. Our friends are always welcome."

"But I'm not your friend, I'm just some crippled stranger."

"You look like Murray's friend to me. Just don't be afraid to ask for help when he's talking your ear off."

"He does talk a lot," she said with a small smile. "I like that he doesn't make me answer all the time."

"Yeah, he's good for that. All you have to do is stay awake. And sometimes not even that much."

She could hear his love for Murray in his voice and knew there was no disloyalty in laughing.

"So Cody lets you guys live on his boat?"

"Well, we earn most of the money together and we share expenses but yeah, it's really his boat. Funny, Murray's the one with the independent income but he's also the only one who doesn't own anything. Doesn't even have a car. But I guess his computers count. He just can't live in 'em."

"He has a lot of computers?"

"Oh yeah. His room's full of them. In fact it's pretty warm down there. You might decide you want to sleep somewhere else after all."

"No, I get cold pretty easy. It'll be nice to be someplace warm."

"Right, you skinny people. Murray's the same way. Poor guy wears pajamas in the middle of summer."

"Is there room for me, do you think? I hate to put him out."

"We can put up another cot or something. It'll be fine."

"Hey Nick," Murray called cheerfully from the deck. He was carrying his soldering gear and Cody followed, weighed down by tackle boxes of unknown contents. "Hey, Janie, how's the sun?"

She smiled in answer as Murray climbed off the boat and put down his load. The first thing he did was take off his floppy hat and put it on her, tucking her hair back and adjusting the brim to shade her eyes.

"Thanks," she whispered, smiling so that he blushed.

"Sure. Here, I brought sunscreen, too. Can I—do you want me to put it on you?"

She nodded and Murray covered her bare arms and neck carefully with lotion. His long, nimble fingers worked confidently, the way they usually only did when electronics were involved, dipping under her collar and up her sleeves to make sure she'd be protected if her clothes shifted. Her skinny legs hung out of a cheap skirt, exposed to the knee, and for the first time Nick noticed she had no shoes. Murray rubbed the sunscreen on her feet, giggling in sympathy when it tickled, making her laugh. His confidence failed him somewhat when he reached the hem of her skirt but her understanding smile gave him courage. They were both blushing and Cody was trying hard not to laugh. Nick did a better job but he was closer and the stakes a bit higher.

"All right then," Murray said with a tone of satisfaction. "Are you okay now, Janie? Are you comfortable?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay, good. I'm going to get started on your chair then. Gosh, this'll be so interesting. I've never taken one of these apart before."

"Are you sure you can put it back together?" Cody asked. He tipped Janie a wink, taking off his own straw hat and putting it on Murray.

"It doesn't matter," Janie said. "It's broken anyway, right?"

"Yeah, but there are specialists, right? Don't people have to train to fix these things?"

"It costs a fortune," she said at last. "If I go to the agency that oversees my care, the people who gave it to me, they'll send me back to the home. Please throw me in the harbor before you call them. I can't throw myself but that's no excuse."

"I think it's a little too early to be contemplating suicide," Nick said. "Boz hasn't even gotten the box open yet." He wanted it to be a joke, to take the look of horror from Murray's eyes, and somehow it failed.

"I've been contemplating it all my life. Do you know how scary it is to not even be able to kill yourself? I can't even OD without someone to give me the drugs."

"That sounds pretty bad," Nick agreed. "But we're not going to let it come to that, okay? We won't let you go anywhere you don't want to go. Like you said, you're an adult. Right?"

"Yes, how old are you? If you don't mind my asking," Murray said from his spot at their feet.

"Twenty four. I've been in foster care and nursing homes since I was six. I'm not supposed to live long but the last two or three years—it just seems like it'll never end."

There was a painful silence before Murray turned back to his work and Nick couldn't help noticing how wet his eyes were. Cody cleared his throat and said he was going to make breakfast.

"There's a man at the home," she whispered. "An orderly. He looks exactly like Cody and he—he's cruel to us. To the girls, at least. He looks just like him."

Nick's arms tightened involuntarily and he saw Murray shudder. A single tear dropped from under his glasses as he worked but he kept his head down and said nothing. Janie closed her eyes.

"Hey, here's the problem," Murray said, after a silence so lengthy that by the time he broke it, it had ceased to be awkward. "I can fix this in no time. Gosh, I wish all my work was this easy."

"Can it wait til after breakfast?" Cody called from the rail.

"You guys go ahead, I want to finish this up so I can put it back together. I don't feel right about leaving it here or moving it aboard in pieces."

"No, no way," Cody said firmly. "You remember what the doctor said. No matter how boss the project is, Boz eats. If you want to stay out here I'll bring you a plate."

"Yeah, thanks," he said, waving vaguely with his screwdriver. Cody knew he'd already been forgotten, like breakfast would be if he let it.

"What about you, Nick? You want to try and come up?"

He looked to Janie, who shook her head faintly, still watching Murray. She didn't want to leave him.

"I guess not. Tell you what, you serve breakfast on the dock and I'll buy pizza tonight."

"Sure you will," Cody muttered good naturedly, already turning away. He came back with a tray of omelets and ham and gave plates to everyone. Nick found that it wasn't easy managing two and ran out of hands before he got to the silverware. Everyone was at a momentary loss. Then Murray put his plate aside and rose up on his knees.

"Here, let me help." He cut up her omelet and fed it to her in tiny bites. She didn't want the ham but he made her eat a little anyway. For the protein, he said, and she obeyed, for him. When she wouldn't take another bite her put her plate down and turned back to his work.

"No, no, no," Cody said, taking the screwdriver from his hand. "Boz has to eat, remember?"

"Oh. Oh, yes, I forgot. Thanks, Cody." He didn't look grateful, or angry, either. Janie watched him eat, as quickly and efficiently as he worked, but without the passion. She guessed that food rated just below fashion on his list of priorities. No wonder he didn't live alone.

"Murray, where were you before you were here?" she asked softly.

"What? I'm sorry, I didn't…"

"Let me rephrase. How long have you lived here, on the boat?"

"A little over two years. Before I became a detective I lived in Santa Barbara and designed computer games."

"You—oh my God. You're Murray Bozinsky. Boz, of course. No wonder you can fix my crap chair in ten minutes."

"Oh. Why, yes, yes. Didn't I mention that? Well, no matter. I didn't like it that much and when the guys offered me a job here I was glad to quit. Well, I was probably getting fired anyway, or maybe arrested, but even if I wasn't I still would have quit. When the guys showed up and stuffed me in that helicopter I felt like I was going home."

"Helicopter? They just showed up?"

"It was all kind of unexpected," Nick said. "We went in like civilized people, just planning to talk to him, and walked into a police standoff. When we finally got him out of there it seemed best to just keep going."

"So you didn't give notice at your apartment or say goodbye to your friends?"

"What? No. No, I didn't have any friends. I hadn't seen these guys in eight years but they were still my best friends."

Coming home indeed, she thought, giving him a gentle smile. She saw the look that passed over his head between Nick and Cody and knew they understood. Without them he was the saddest person on earth. With them he was the happiest. There was nothing in between.


	3. Eye of the Beholder

There was a brief discussion about how best to get her onto the boat, with Nick worried that he shouldn't try to carry her over the side and Janie cringing at the suggestion that he hand her up to Cody. She wanted Murray to hold her but didn't ask. If he could he would offer. In the end he and Cody climbed aboard, Nick passed her over the side into Cody's arms, and then hopped up to take her back. She was grateful but felt a surprising pang of guilt at the hurt expression on Cody's face. He still didn't know why she was afraid of him and it wasn't fair anyway. The fact that it was his boat preyed on her mind as Nick carried her down to Murray's room. She would have to figure out how to be friendly to him if she didn't want to screw it up for them all.

Nick laid her down on the bed and went back out to get her chair while Murray made her comfortable.

"This is your room or do you just work here?"

"No, I live here. Nick and Cody share a cabin and most of the rest of the boat and I try to stay out of the way."

"Well, it's a big room," she said hesitantly.

"Yeah, it was nice of them to give me the best space. It was nice of them to let me stay at all, really. They'd lived together for a long time and I don't think they meant to keep me at first. I just turned out to be useful."

At the top of the stairs Nick and Cody exchanged another glance. Then Nick jerked his head toward the dock and Cody followed.

"He really still thinks that?" Cody whispered as they climbed onto the dock.

"Well, it's kind of true. Except it was really me that didn't want him so much, not you. You're the nice one."

"Yeah, all the good it's doing me now. But Boz can't think he's just here because he's useful."

"You know, I never thought about it before but he really didn't say goodbye to anyone when he left Dyna Games. It's like he was just sitting there for eight years, waiting for us."

"Yeah, I noticed that, too. Say, Nick, what about this girl? I mean, if Murray wants to keep her that's fine by me but it's going to be a lot of work. And what she said about not living very long—how would he handle that? How bad's he going to get hurt?"

"I don't see any hope of a positive outcome," Nick said bleakly. "But what else can we do? Just be there for him when it's over."

Together they wrestled the chair on board and into the salon. It was too big and awkward to fit in Murray's room. If she wanted to sit in it she'd have to go up there. When they went back down she was lying in Murray's little bed, covered with a sheet, looking pale and tired. She asked what they'd done with her pack and looked dismayed when Nick said it was still in the car. But Cody said he'd go get it and she managed to smile and thank him by name. It was little enough for his kindness.

By the time Cody returned she was falling asleep and Murray encouraged his friends to leave them. He had work to do on a program he was designing and didn't need any help watching Janie sleep. The guys went back up on deck to stare at the harbor and discuss their new arrival. They were both worried, both scared to death for Murray's fragile heart, but no matter how they looked at it, there was nothing else to do. That young woman would die on the street in a matter of days and there was no question of sending her back to the home. But thinking of her in Murray's bed was pretty out of the question, too.

 

Nick went back down at lunchtime to find Murray focusing intently on the computer and Janie lying awake, staring at his back.

"Hey Boz," he called cheerfully. "Time to take a break. I brought you two some sandwiches."

"Quiet, Nick," he whispered, turning around hastily. "Janie's sleep… Oh, you're not. Hi Janie. Gosh, are you hungry? I forgot all about lunch."

"It's okay, I got it right here. You like tuna, Janie? We were trying to get as much nutrition as possible in every bite."

"Yes, thank you."

"Well great. Do you two need any help, then?"

"No, I don't think so. Do we, Janie?"

"I don't think so," she smiled shyly. Murray was all she ever wanted. Already he was coming to her, kneeling by the bed to feed her the sandwich. Nick left them to it.

Janie ate half the sandwich but couldn't chew the raw vegetables. When she was done she told him, to her great embarrassment, that she needed to use the bathroom. He had to go get Nick again, to carry her to the head and put her on the toilet. She didn't like that but she was okay with Murray staying to help her, holding her so she didn't fall and cleaning up after. She was a little sorry for him but not at all for herself. Someone had helped her every day of her life and she had rarely been so fortunate as to choose who.

Murray washed his hands and carried her back to bed without asking for help. He wasn't as strong as Nick or Cody but it was more a lack of endurance than action. The few steps back to bed weren't much to take once or twice a day. When he had her safely settled she started talking, soft and breathless, telling him the evils she had suffered and the things she feared. He listened until she dissolved in tears, too tired to go on, stroking her hair and telling her that he understood, even though in a way he didn't. A part of him was ever going to be too sweet to really understand these things. He petted her and wiped away her tears until she fell asleep again. Then he got up and went out on deck.

"Hey Boz, what's going on?"

"Not much. Janie's asleep again, she had to take some pain pills and they really knocked her out."

"Wait, what pills? What did she take?" Nick was on his feet, looking panicky, and Cody stared at him in bewilderment.

"Um, codeine. What's wrong, Nick?"

"How many?"

"A couple. She's in a lot of pain. But I read the label, it's the prescribed dose. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he said, sitting down more slowly than he'd gotten up. "Pull up a chair, Boz. We need to talk."

"Sure. That's actually what I came up here for but I can't stay long. I need to be able to hear her." He sat but didn't look comfortable.

"Well, first, I'm sorry for jumping on you about the pills. All that stuff she said this morning about suicide has me scared. I don't want that girl offing herself on our watch."

"Or on my boat," Cody put in. "What's wrong with her, anyway? The suicide talk and the way she looks at me—I keep checking the mirror to see if I've grown fangs."

"She asked me to talk to you about that. She's too embarrassed to tell you to your face but it isn't personal. Janie's been in foster care almost all her life and she was molested in most of those homes. She says a lot of the girls are, whether they're pretty or not, but she's one of the prettiest girls I've ever met."

Nick and Cody exchanged a glance. Janie was okay but she was hardly a great beauty. Maybe five feet tall, emaciated down to eighty pounds, pale of face with sunken eyes, she had nothing to attract most men. Only Murray could look past her dying body and fall in love with her heart.

"Anyway, every time she complained they moved her to another home but nothing changed. When she turned eighteen they put her in a nursing home with the old folks and left her there. The orderlies and some of the male nurses—they—touch—the girls. Janie's tried complaining but no one listens and they—they hurt her, in reprisal. She tried to get to the police but the patients aren't allowed to use the phone and their letters are opened."

"So how'd she get out?" Nick asked, wishing he had a beer to make the answer go down easier.

"One of the orderlies helped her in exchange for a—a sexual favor. She wouldn't tell me exactly what, she was crying—God, she's so ashamed. But it doesn't matter. She did it and he packed up her things and let her out on the street just before dawn. After a few hours her chair broke down and that was when I found her, just sitting there on the sidewalk crying. That poor little thing…" He put his hands over his face and Nick got up again, walked over and crouched by Murray's chair, putting his arm around him. Murray pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and blew his nose. Then he cleared his throat and went on.

"She won't kill herself; she can't. I have the pills in my pocket and I won't give her enough. I just don't know what else to do. We can't send her anywhere; nobody will take care of her. How can that be, Nick? How can it be that there's nowhere for a helpless woman to live without being assaulted on a regular basis?"

"I don't know, buddy. Look, we'll keep her here until we figure it out, okay? Don't worry about that, right Cody?"

"Right, sure. She doesn't have to leave until she has somewhere safe to go. She doesn't even have to be nice to me."

"She will be. It's just that the orderly, the one who tortured her the most, looks just like you. He has your eyes and mustache and everything. It's hard for her right now. But I've been telling her what a great guy you are and she wants to give you a chance. It'll just take a little time, you know."

"Ah Jesus," Cody muttered. He just couldn't catch a break.

"Well, she's going to try and get over it. She just wanted you to know that it's not personal, it's not really you that she doesn't like. It'll just take a little time. Provided you don't mind her staying that long."

"No, as long as she needs. My boat's your boat. It must be hard on her, though, being in a place where she can't use her chair."

"Yeah, she doesn't like that. But she does like feeling safe to go to sleep for a change. It might be days before she gets caught up on rest."

"Yeah, speaking of that," Nick said slowly, "where are you gonna sleep while she's here?"

"Oh, in my room. I have to be there in case she wakes in the night. She needs to be repositioned a lot so she doesn't get bedsores. I'll just get a couple blankets and sleep on the floor or something."

"If you're sure. Murray, you think we ought to involve the police now that she's safe? Quinlan's been a little more open to our troubles lately, he'd probably look into it. I mean, no one wants to see cripples getting raped in a state run facility."

Murray winced and Nick hugged him again. But he nodded, slowly.

"Not today, though. She needs to rest and eat for a bit first. I'll call Quinlan tomorrow."

"That's a good idea, Boz. Is there anything we can do now to help? I mean, it's pretty obvious she only wants you handling her but can we do anything else?" Cody badly wanted a job that would enable him to interact a little with the stranger on his boat.

"No, I don't think so. Bringing food is a big help, though. I never seem to remember mealtimes and I guess she's one of those people who doesn't ask for things. I'll try to get her to."

"We can remember," Nick laughed. "Probably more easily than you can."

They talked a while longer and then the conversation was interrupted by a soft cry from below deck. All three leapt to their feet and Murray was the first one down the stairs. He stumbled into his room and saw Janie weeping on the small cot, her head thrown back so she could see the door, her wide eyes pleading for help. In a second he was beside her, pulling her head forward to help her breathe, wiping her tears away with his slender thumbs.

"Janie, what is it? What can I do?" he whispered urgently.

"My side hurts. My right side, between my rips and hipbone—it hurts so bad."  
"What can I do? Do you need a doctor?"

"Put your hand on it," she said breathlessly. "Please, just squeeze that spot."

Hesitantly he slid his hand under her shirt and felt her prominent ribs."

"A little lower. The soft spot, between the bones." His long fingers nearly reached her spine while his thumb came close to her navel. "That's it. Just squeeze it, please," she wept. He applied a little pressure and she gasped sharply. Murray let go, shaken, but she drew a shallow breath and begged him to do it again. "It hurts but it's good. The pain is so sharp, like knives. Pressure dulls it so I can breathe." Still hesitant, Murray squeezed again, increasing the pressure gradually until she caught her breath and stopped crying. But when he eased up again she moaned softly and asked him not to. She needed the pressure and his slender, sensitive hand was the best she'd ever experienced. He was strong enough to do it but too tender hearted to go too far.

"Janie, what's wrong?" he asked when she was calm again. "How can I fix this?"

"I don't know. The doctors don't know. They think it might be some flaw in my intestines, a little kink or maybe an adhesion. It just hurts sometimes."

"And this is how you make it stop? By pressing on it?"

"That's what works best. I can hardly ever get anyone to do it, though. The next best thing is to turn me over so I can lie on it. I might have to sleep like that tonight."

"What about sitting up? We can put you in your chair if you want."

"No, that's worse. Please, Murray, just hold on for another minute. Please?" She was almost crying again and he couldn't agree fast enough. Nick and Cody looked at each other, saying volumes with their eyes. It really was going to be as bad as possible.

After a long time Cody helped Murray turn her over, arranging her body so there was enough pressure to relieve the pain. She asked Cody to do it as a show of faith and he was pleased in spite of everything. As soon as it was done she relaxed visibly. Murray rubbed her back and she went to sleep again.

"Boz, I get the feeling you aren't going to get much sleep tonight," Nick said softly. "Why don't you go take a nap in my bed and I'll watch her for a while."

"Oh, no, you don't need to do that. I have enough work to do to stay awake for days."

"I'm sure you do but you won't do it very well if you don't sleep. Remember, we've been through this before."

"Yeah, all right. But you have to promise you'll come get me if she asks. I don't—I don't want her to be scared anymore."

"Sure, I promise."

Murray couldn't help taking a second to fix her sheet, stroking her cheek with feathery fingertips. He left with many a regretful glance and Cody had to physically restrain him from going back once he reached the top of the stairs.

"Come on, Boz. Just for a couple hours," he said persuasively. "Nick can watch her sleep as well as you can."

"But what if the pain comes back? He's so strong, he could crush her by mistake."

"Yes, but he won't. If she needs you I'll come get you."

"I should have set the Roboz up to transmit so I could listen in," he said thoughtfully, starting to turn back. Cody grabbed his arms and propelled him forward.

"That would just keep you awake. Now I'm not kidding, Murray; if you don't take care of yourself she's not going to be able to stay. That's not a threat, it's practicality. You're the one she needs."

"My point exactly," he said, turning abruptly. Cody stumbled but pulled him back and got him going in the right direction again.

"Tonight, Boz. In the dark, late at night, she'll need you. Right now Nick will suffice so you better take your rest where you find it."

That was inarguable so Murray stopped trying. He went into the forward cabin, kicked off his shoes and lay down in Nick's bunk.

"Going to sleep with your glasses on?" Cody asked knowingly. Murray flushed and took them off, laying them carefully on the nightstand in easy reach. He kept expecting Cody to leave and was planning to sneak back to his room when he did. He'd have to tell Nick that he couldn't sleep and there might be an argument about it but he felt sure he'd win. When Nick won it was by yelling but this time he wouldn't be able to. But Cody didn't leave. He lay down in his own bed and picked up a book, obviously intending to stay a while. Murray was still, waiting him out, and still waiting, he fell asleep.


	4. The Nice One

Nick bought the pizza, as promised, and they ate around the computers in Murray's room. Janie was in better spirits, eating from Murray's hands and laughing at their conversation. She didn't look like a woman who had ever uttered the word suicide. Scattered around her on the bed were Murray's science magazines and one of the books he had written, a simple theory of computers. She'd read part of it but she preferred the magazine articles on evolution and anthropology. There weren't many dedicated publications, it wasn't Murray's field, but nearly every _Scientific American_ issue had something, and she'd spent the afternoon catching up. All they ever got at the home was _Redbook_ and _People_. She and Murray were making inside jokes about Neanderthals and Homo Erectus that left Cody rolling his eyes and Nick completely lost. Murray blushed and giggled when she said something about H. Erectus using tools and Cody told her to stop it before she corrupted him completely. After that Janie mostly listened, laughing at Murray's jokes whether she understood them or not. It was the least she could do.

When the pizza was gone Nick asked Murray to run some DMV checks for the case they had to work tomorrow and said he wanted to go out for a while. Maybe over to Straightaway's for a beer. Cody offered to join him and they both looked to Murray for approval.

"Sure, sure, go ahead," he said easily. "You won't be late?"

"No. You need any help first?"

He conferred in a whisper with Janie and replied that she wanted to change her clothes. Cody went up on deck to wait while Nick helped undress her and put her in one of Murray's pajama tops.

"Tomorrow, if it's not too much trouble, I need to sit up for a while. It hurts my shoulders to lie down too much."

"Sure, no trouble," Nick said. "We'll be out for a while but we'll work it out. I'll see if the _Contessa_ can spare a crew member or two."

She smiled weakly and said goodnight. When he was gone she turned to Murray, her eyes filled with fear.

"Sailors?"

"What?"

"Nick said he would send crew men over tomorrow. I don't know how I feel about sailors."

"Oh. Oh, no. Not crew men, crew members. _The Barefoot Contessa_ has an all female crew. The guys aren't allowed to date them but I'm sure this is different. I'm not really considered much of a threat anyway."

"But you're the nice one."

"Yeah, that's the point. I'm very nice. Do you need anything else? Because I really have a lot of work to do and I—I should get started."

"No, go ahead. I'm awfully sleepy. Murray, thanks so much for this. For taking me in and going to all this trouble. I feel like I've fallen into a fairy tale."

"I feel like that a lot. Sometimes, even after all these years, I still feel like they're going to wake up one day and ask me what I'm still doing here."

"But you're so rich and famous. Surely people—lots of people—would want you around."

"When you're famous you never really have friends. And rich is even worse. People let you hang around as long as you can do things for them; as long as you have something they want. I don't believe Nick and Cody feel that way, but sometimes I don't know why. Everyone else does."

At the top of the steps Nick turned to Cody and whispered, "We gotta stop eavesdropping on Boz. It doesn't make me feel good."

"Me either, but how else are we going to learn anything about him? Ask?"

"Good point. Come on, the beer's on you."

Janie dozed while Murray worked, stirring when the printer kicked on but rarely opening her eyes. When she did she saw only his back, hunched over the keyboard as he typed away. The sound was oddly comforting after the hiss of respirators and the beeping of heart monitors that she was used to. Watching him work was as restful as sleeping and she spent hours drifting in and out, feeling like she never closed her eyes but knowing she did because she dreamed as well.

Just before one Nick came down, alerted by the lights in the window.

"Are you still up? For heaven's sake, Murray, go to bed."

"Are you just getting home? What time is it? I thought you wouldn't be late?"

"Me and Cody took turns coming back every hour to make sure you were okay. We're in for the night now and you better be, too."

"Yeah, I guess. I slept a lot this afternoon so I'm not that tired. Janie, are the lights bothering you?"

"Is she awake? That's it, Boz. Turn off the lights and go to bed so she can get some sleep."

"I've been sleeping and waking and dreaming…" she murmured. "Go on, Nick. We're okay."

"One day and you're already teaming up against us," he laughed. "All right, goodnight, Janie. But turn off the computers already."

"Sure Nick. Tell Cody we said goodnight." Murray saved his work and started shutting down. Only half the equipment ever went off at night, but it cut the light considerably. He left her alone for the few minutes it took to go the head and brush his teeth. When he came back she pretended to be asleep again so he could change his clothes but woke conveniently almost as soon as he had.

"What are you doing?" she whispered as he rooted through the closet.

"Oh, hi. I'm just getting some blankets. I thought I'd sleep here on the floor so you could wake me if you need anything."

"Murray, do you think—would you mind—sleeping with me?"

"Well, that's what I was planning on."

"No, not on the floor. We're both so skinny, can't we share the bed?"

"Oh, well, yes, probably. If you're sure you want to. I'd have thought you'd want to keep some distance from—well—men. Except I guess I don't really count, do I?" he added with a small laugh, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Of course you count," she said, rolling her eyes. "Otherwise I wouldn't ask. I know we just met but I really like you and I—I've never slept beside a man I like before. I might never have another chance and you—you're such a genuinely nice person…"

"I hear that a lot."

"You sound like you think being nice is a bad thing. It isn't, Boz. It's the best thing in the world."

"Do you think so?" He sounded a little cheerier and climbed over her carefully, lying down behind her in the bed. He covered himself with the sheet and held her close, his left arm under her head and his right around her body. She pressed her head back against his shoulder and sighed contentedly. After a moment he took off his glasses and reached over her to put them on the nightstand, his ultimate surrender.

"I think you and your friends are the only nice people I've ever met and I wish…" she trailed off with a sigh.

"You wish what, Janie? Is there something I can do?"

"I wish I could spend the rest of my life here. Rocking on the waves, watching you work, being around people who care about each other—if I died here I'd die happy."

"There must be some other happy place," he said quietly. "Somewhere that people will take care of you and keep you safe."

"If there is I haven't found it."

"Well, it's not always very safe here. The boat's been broken into a few times and we've all been kidnapped at least once. I was nearly sold to the Russians one time."

"Yeah, I saw that on TV. You have a pretty exciting life but you're still nice. I like that."

"Thanks. But you don't have to worry, we'll protect you. And you'll stay right here until we're sure we've found a place that's just as safe, if not safer. I promise we won't let you get stuck in another bad home."

He wanted to ask why she thought she was going to die and didn't. She'd explained her condition and he realized he'd heard of it, although he didn't know it well. She would have breathing problems and be prone to infection, but he thought that with proper care those things could be controlled. As soon as he could, he was going to go to the library and look it up. It wasn't a long walk; maybe she could go, too. It would be good for her to get outside and choose her own books, have a little control in her life.

"Murray, would you mind—could you maybe rub my back for a minute?"

"Sure. Sure, no problem." He laughed a little and she asked him why. Murray folded her arms across her chest and rolled her forward carefully before answering. His gentle fingers probed up and down her spine, working cautiously between her prominent ribs, drawing an unexpected moan of pleasure from somewhere low in her chest.

"Cody's always telling me that if I'm lucky enough to get a woman into my bed I should give her whatever she wants," he said and she laughed softly, the sound trailing off into another moan.

"Does he give you a lot of good advice?"

"Well, not as much as Nick does. But he never gives me bad advice. Is this right? Does it feel good?"

"It's wonderful," she whispered and burst into tears.

"Hey, hey," he murmured, reaching around to hold her again. "Don't cry, Janie, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry."

"No, no, don't stop." She turned her head away to wipe her eyes on the pillow and then back, trying to face him. "Please, it's—it's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

"What?" He was laughing in disbelief but went on rubbing her back, his hands trembling nervously.

"It's true. Murray, no one's ever touched me purely to make me feel good before. It's always either cruel or necessary; it's never just—nice."

"I used to have that problem, too," he confessed. "Until I came here, no one ever touched me much. I'm kind of a sucker for hugs and pats on the back, but I never got many before."

"Being a famous PI doesn't get you laid?"

"I suppose it could, but I don't like getting used well enough to do it to other people. I've only been with three women and one of those was—well—paid. Sort of a gift from the guys when we were in the Army."

"Oh Murray, no," she sighed.

"Is that terrible?"

"It's not great. No, forget it, I'm not judging you."

"Well, I would rather have been with someone who loved me, but she was a really sweet lady. It was a good experience."

"I'm glad it was good. I've had a lot more sex than you, it sounds like, but none of it was sweet. Not as sweet as this."

"Oh. I'm so sorry, Janie. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard."

She turned her head more into his arm and without thinking Murray leaned down and kissed the back of her neck. She stopped breathing and both of them froze. But after a few seconds she took a breath and he began massaging her back again.

"I bet Nick and Cody do all right with the girls," she said, trying to change the subject.

"They do as well as they want to."

"They're lovers, aren't they? You don't have to answer if it's a secret, I know it's risky, but—they are, right?"

"Yeah. They aren't gay, it's not like that. They're just in love with each other. I—I've always been a little in love with them, too, but—well, I get left out of everything else so…"

"But you aren't gay, either?"

"No. I've never looked at another man, but if they wanted me—gosh, what am I saying? I hardly know you and here I am baring my soul. I'm sorry, Janie."

"No, I'm—well, I'm kind of honored. I won't tell anyone. Even if I have someone to tell someday."

"Thanks. You know, I'm really glad I met you."

"I am too."

In their cabin Nick was sitting on Cody's bunk, their arms around each other, heads together under the air vent.

"We really gotta stop eavesdropping on Boz," Nick whispered.

"Yeah, but look how much we learn. Did you know he was in love with us?"

"Shit, no. But I think I understand, don't you?"

"In retrospect it does seem somewhat…"

"Unavoidable?"

"Predictable as the dawn is where I was going, but unavoidable's good." Cody leaned in and kissed him, long and slow. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. Wait until this thing with Janie is over and then figure it out, I guess. I mean, it can wait, right? It's not like he told us. We're not even supposed to know."

"Yeah, it can wait. But I'm not sure I can." Cody pushed him down on his back and kissed him again. Nick went along for a moment but his heart wasn't in it.

"Wait, Cody. I have to know one thing."

"Sure, anything. Just make it fast."

"Would you consider sleeping with Murray? Is that something you'd do?"

"Would you?"

"I asked you first."

They looked at each other for a long time in the dim light, neither wanting to say it first in case the other didn't agree. Cody broke first. He almost always did.

"Yeah, okay, I've thought about it. If there was a way for all three of us to be together so we could stop making him feel cut out I'd want to do it. It's not right, him feeling that way."

"That's what I was thinking. We should wait and see what happens with Janie and then have a talk with him. Come on, it'll be okay."

Cody was eager to be convinced and nodded along. Anything to get his lover to shut up and kiss him. But in the back of both their minds was Murray and the question of what it would be like sleeping three in a bed. Or sticking with two if he said no.


	5. Everything She Ever Wanted

In the morning Cody went down to check on Murray and found him already in front of the computer.

"Nick's making breakfast. You want to come up to the salon?"

"Sure. Can you help me give Janie a shower after?" Almost as an afterthought he turned to the girl and asked, "Is that okay, if Cody helps us?"

"Sure," she said agreeably, as if it had never been an issue. "I'd rather eat here, though, if that's okay. So I don't have to move twice."

"Sure, no problem. I'll tell Nick."

They both came down to Murray's room to eat with them, determined not to let their friend feel anymore left out than he had to be, and then Cody carried Janie to the bathroom. They didn't have an appropriate chair for the shower but Murray had already solved that problem. He put on a pair of shorts, took her in his arms and sat down on the shower floor. She wasn't uncomfortable being naked, only glad that it was him and not someone who would hurt her and then laugh while she cried.

His sensitive hands massaged shampoo into her scalp and rinsed it out painstakingly, careful not to get any in her eyes. She was moved by his tenderness and stunned when he did it again. It had been years since anyone had bothered to shampoo her thin hair twice. He spent a long time rinsing it out again and then went over her body with a soapy cloth, slow and tender, moving her arms and legs carefully to make sure he didn't miss any key areas. Janie was weeping with humble pleasure, unable to see his tears mixing with the water on his face. Without his glasses he didn't see hers so they were even.

When the water went off Cody opened the door and handed in a towel. Murray wrapped her up and then called his friend to take her so he could stand up. Nick was there with his robe and Murray dried himself carelessly, distracted by the sight of Cody bearing her away. He stepped out of his shorts and put on the robe, giving Nick a chance to view his skinny body in light of the new information. As he walked away Nick thought about that, thought about holding the narrow ass in his hands, sucking the surprisingly large cock. (Why surprising? Hadn't they been looking at him for almost three years? Ah, but not like that.) He bet Murray would be incredibly generous in bed.

When Murray got to his room he found that Cody had put her down and was waiting for him. Nick followed, mostly because he had nowhere else to be, and Janie seemed pleased to see them all. She'd said that she didn't like being the center of things and that was almost true. What she didn't like was being put in the center whether she was welcome or not and being made to be in the way. But being the center of attention because they sought her out was something else altogether. The fact that she omitted that was not her fault. Since it had never happened before she'd had no way of knowing how it would make her feel.

Nick helped dress her and carried her out on deck where Murray could hold her comfortably in the sun. There was just enough of a breeze to make her shiver so Cody brought a light blanket to wrap around them. When the pain started Murray had pills in his pocket to soothe it and she slept in his arms.

 

That night Murray offered to rub her back again and she accepted eagerly. She'd been so close to him all day, wallowing in his touch, the feel of his thin but strong arms, absorbing the sweet scent of his aftershave and the echo of his voice in his chest. Maybe no one else was smart enough to want him but Janie Pierce couldn't get enough. After a long time he turned her on her back and lay down beside her, supporting her head carefully on his shoulder, his other hand resting lightly on her stomach. She couldn't help breathing deeper to feel the weight of it more fully, wishing for the first time in her life that the man touching her would go farther. But she didn't believe he would. Bad men did that to enforce power; good men did it to express love, or at least attraction. He wasn't bad and she wasn't attractive so it couldn't go anywhere past this. Janie sighed, wondering if it really was better to know what she was missing. If she'd died in the home it would have been with a different sort of ache in her heart. But surely this ache was better.

"Hey, Murray," she whispered, unwilling to let him go to sleep so soon.

"Hmm?"

"What did you want to do with your life? You didn't set out to be a PI, right?"

"No, I was going to be a computer programmer. And I did that. It just didn't turn out to make me happy. I'm still a programmer, a hacker, even, just not the way I meant to be."

"Did you plan on getting married? Didn't you want a wife and kids?"

"I thought about it when I was a teenager but I think I've given up. I still like girls, I still like to date, but I don't expect much anymore. The most I really want now is to be allowed to stay here with my friends. I've been alone all my life and I'm so tired of it."

"But you still want to be their lover?" she asked cautiously.

"It's a lot to ask. I don't expect to be loved that way anymore, by anyone, but the way they love me now is pretty nice."

_"That's it," Nick whispered, returning to his own bed. "I am not eavesdropping on Boz anymore. You go ahead if you want; I'm going to sleep."_

"I could fall in love with you pretty easily."

"Janie, you don't have to sweet talk me."

"I'm not. We aren't that different, Murray. I've been waiting all my life for someone to love me, or just be nice to me, but that's always been too much to ask. I might be naïve, which I've heard you are, too, but you're the finest person I've ever met."

"I'm not that great," he scoffed. "Nick and Cody…"

"Are great guys, but they aren't like you. They wouldn't have picked me up, would they?"

"They wouldn't have left you there in the street."

"No, of course not. They'd have called the police and had me picked up and taken care of. They'd do the right thing. Just not the thing I needed. Only a man like you would see what I need and give it to me."

"Am I? Am I giving you what you need, Janie?"

"So far. I could use a kiss, though. If—if you wanted to."

"You want—from me—?"

She blushed and nodded, ducking her head so far as she could but unable to escape his eyes. Even without his glasses he could see her well at this distance. When she didn't turn her face away he kissed her. Tentatively at first, and more forcefully as she responded. She didn't move as other girls did, he knew that in spite of his limited experience, but when he slipped his tongue into her mouth she caught and sucked it hungrily. Suddenly his hand was on her breast and she moaned, low and anxious but without fear. He was sure of that. His long fingers suddenly nimble, he unbuttoned her top and caressed the bare skin he had washed so carefully that morning.

"If you're going to take off my clothes," she murmured, "you have to take yours off, too."

"Is that really what you want?"

"More than anything. If—if you want to."

He undressed without getting up, careful not to jostle her. She was naked under his oversized shirt, he didn't think she owned a pair of panties, and his hand slipped between her thighs as he took her nipple in his mouth. Her weak fingers wrapped around his arm, squeezing gently, encouragingly, as he bit and sucked. She gasped and moaned under his talented hands, shocked at how easily he created pleasure where there had ever been only pain. Janie hadn't expected that. The most she'd wanted was comfort, closeness and warmth, but suddenly Murray had her seeing stars.

He knew she was coming because she stopped breathing. In those few seconds Murray was more frightened and yet more delighted than he would have thought possible. Especially at the same time. He kissed her throat softly, feeling the flutter of her pulse, waiting for her to take a breath. After a long time she did, letting it out in a satisfied sigh.

"Are you okay, Janie?"

"Never better," she laughed. "Good God, Murray. That was wonderful. Thank you so much."

"Oh. Oh, well, I didn't—I mean I—well, it wasn't—" His whole body blushed and as her skin cooled she felt his growing warmer.

"I want to touch you," she interrupted, letting him off one hook and impaling him sharply on another.

"You—you want to—what?"

"I want to touch you. I want to feel your body the way you felt mine."

"Alright," he said, suddenly calm. "How do we do that?"

"Take my hand. Show me how you like to be touched."

"I hardly know," he sighed, even as he obeyed. He positioned himself carefully, leaned slightly over her small frame and placed her hand on his neck. She felt how his heart raced as he pressed her fingers harder into his vulnerable throat, then down over his collarbones. He rubbed her thumb over his nipple and she moaned in sympathy with him. Caressing his thin body was turning out to be the most intense experience of her life and something in his deep brown eyes told her he felt the same. She wanted to touch every part of him and he shared himself eagerly, more joyfully than he ever had with anyone, more joyfully than he would with anyone else until and unless his men accepted him.

Janie gasped softly as he wrapped her hand around his iron rod. It was not the first she'd touched but it was the first she'd ever tried to feel and it felt good. The skin was so soft and smooth, the flesh beneath so very hard, for a moment she wondered what it would be like to take him into herself. His hand had been so sweet and satisfactory, she was tempted. But he wouldn't like it; he would be too worried about hurting her to enjoy himself. Instead she twitched her fingers, trying to squeeze harder, and he obliged with his own hand. Slowly, he guided her up and down the shaft, running her fingers firmly across the head where sticky beads of moisture formed. They groaned together, low and sweet against each other's mouths, kissing as he came on her belly. Any other time Murray would have been ashamed at finishing so quickly but not tonight. She looked so tired, it would have been worse to draw it out.

Murray grabbed a handful of tissues and cleaned her off tenderly with many a kiss and caress. She wanted to catch hold of him again but her wrist didn't work anymore. It would take a lot of rest before she moved again. Fighting for breath, she asked him not to put on his pajamas. It would be so nice just to lie close to him and feel his bare skin, still damp with sweat. Murray folded her into his arms, one fine hand covering her breast, feeling the rise and fall of her breathing as she fell asleep.


	6. Murray's True Love

Something woke him in the grey hour of dawn. Something dragged Murray out of a sound sleep with a jolt and even before he reached for his glasses he knew what it was. He lunged out of bed and staggered halfway up the steps, shouting for Nick and Cody. Without knowing if they were coming he ran back and fell to his knees beside the bed.

"Janie," he whispered, shaking her briskly by the shoulders. Her eyes opened but she didn't take a breath and her lips were turning blue. He tilted her head back, pinched her nose and blew hard into her mouth. Her chest rose faintly and after a few more breaths a little color returned to her face. But when he stopped she didn't breathe again. By then Nick and Cody were there, standing back with still expressions, their worst fears realized.

"Don't just stand there, help me," Murray cried. "Call an ambulance."

Neither of them moved and he went back to breathing for her. Janie's eyes were still open, still alive with knowledge, and when he paused again she mouthed his name.

"What, Janie? What can I do?"

_I love you, Murray_, she mouthed silently.

"I love you, too," he whispered. "Just hang on; I'll get help."

She shook her head once, short and sharp, making the world spin. Her brain was oxygen deprived, her vision blurry, her thinking slow, but she had to get this right.

_Stop._

"What? No. Nick, did you call for help? Why aren't you helping me?" He gave her two more breaths and again she told him to stop.

"I don't understand."

"Murray, you have to stop," Cody said softly, looking her in the eye for confirmation. She gave him a tiny nod that shattered his world weary heart.

"You can't make this right," Nick tried to explain. "It's cruel to keep putting her through it. You know what her life will be now."

Sudden images of respirators and feeding tubes cascaded through his mind. They couldn't do it here, she'd have to go into a home and who would protect her there? What would her life be when she couldn't even speak?

"Oh Janie," he murmured. "Janie, are you sure?"

_I love you, Murray. Let me go. I love you._

He gave her one last breath that turned into a kiss and, smiling, Janie died.

Murray laid his head on her breast and wept.

"Here, Boz, put on your robe," Nick said quietly. "You're cold."

Murray pulled away from the bed just enough to struggle into his robe, then closed the shirt over her body and took her in his arms again. For a long time his friends stood by and watched, unconsciously holding hands. Soon they would have to start doing things, calling people, taking care of business, but there was time for this, too. There was time for Murray to cry and he did, for all he, and she, was worth.

When his sobs had trailed off to sniffles and hic ups Nick went to him. Cody went upstairs to call the police.

"Lt. Quinlan, please. Yeah, Lieutenant, it's Cody Allen. We've got a bit of a sensitive situation here at the boat. No, and that's not funny. Look, you know that girl you came over and interviewed yesterday? Uh-huh. Well, she's just passed away. Yeah, thanks. No, I didn't call the coroner. The thing is, Murray's taking it hard and I was hoping, since you're already familiar with the case, you could help us push it through without an autopsy and all that. It's not like you owe us any favors, in fact, if you help me out here, we'll owe you two." He listened for a moment and then hung up, not quite smiling but feeling a little easier. Quinlan might like humiliating them but he wouldn't get any pleasure desecrating the body of an innocent.

"Somebody coming?" Nick asked when he returned.

"Yeah, Quinlan's going to handle it on the QT. Boz, how're you doing?"

Murray shook his head silently, not looking up.

"I know this is tough, Mur, but it's not a big surprise, is it?" Nick asked gently. "You have to remember that you made her happy, for maybe the only time in her life. You made her last couple days special and you should feel good about that."

He nodded but still didn't answer. Nick put an arm around him and after a few minutes pulled him to his feet.

"All right, let's get you dressed before Teddy shows up and gets the wrong idea."

That got a response but not the one he wanted. Murray pulled away and rose up on his knees. Hastily he buttoned Janie's shirt and pulled the sheet up to her chin.

"That's the best you can do for her now," Cody said. "The only other way to protect her integrity is to guard your own. Now let's all get dressed and start pretending there's nothing going on here."

Murray looked a little offended at the suggestion that his love for her could be taken wrong. But when he thought about it a little he realized that she did look rather childlike and people might not believe that she'd loved him. Murray knew she did and his friends had heard (seen?) her say it, but the cops might not understand. He kissed her cold lips one last time and got up to dress. Nick waited until he saw Murray actually getting into his clothes and then signaled Cody to leave him alone. By the time Quinlan arrived they were ready, Nick and Cody as polished as usual, and Murray understandably straggly in his jeans and t-shirt.

Quinlan got the coroner to sign a death certificate and sent her directly to the funeral home. He couldn't help giving the beach bums dirty looks, but something in Murray's eyes elicited his sympathy and there were no insults for him. The childish geek had fallen for a child and lost her. That just wasn't funny.

Murray stayed in the salon most of the day, lying on the sofa with his back to the room. He wouldn't get up for lunch, and when Cody brought him a plate he refused to eat. Sometimes his shoulders shook and they thought he might be crying but he never showed his face. Late in the afternoon they went to him together, determined to open the wound and start the healing.

Nick took his head and Cody his long legs, each lifting their end and sitting down, holding him across their laps. Murray hid his face against Nick's chest, feeling as small as helpless as Janie. The hands on his back, cradling his head, were smaller than his own but so much stronger. The heavy fingers began to work the muscles around his spine as another set of hands gently squeezed his thigh. He moaned softly, helpless and confused, and Nick hushed him quietly. The sound was so tender, so unlike his usual interaction with the man he worshipped, that he turned his head to catch a glimpse of the beloved face. Nick leaned down and kissed him, soft but firm, as Cody's hand slid up over his hip.

"What—what is this?" he gasped, pulling away. If they hadn't held him he would have fallen on the floor.

"It's what you wanted, Boz," Cody said gently. "You wanted to be loved."

"By people who love me, not people who—who pity me because I'm unlovable."

"Murray, we've always loved you," Nick smiled. "We just didn't know how to tell you so. You were always so shy and standoffish, running away whenever the subject might have come up."

"I didn't think it was possible," Murray said in wonder. "I ran away before you could send me away. I thought—I was sure…"

"You're always so sure. You're brilliant," Cody laughed. "But you jump to the strangest conclusions sometimes. Now I know—we know—that it's a little soon. You really cared for Janie and we respect that so take your time. But when you're ready, we'd love it if you'd join us—however far you want to go."

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "We never meant for you to be on the outside. You're our partner in every way, Boz."

He was quiet for a moment, letting that sink in, and then asked the question that was really eating his heart.

"What if it were me lying there helpless in that bed? Would you just let me die?"

"Why not ask what if it were me or Cody?"

"Because I already know the answer to that. You'd take care of each other for ever, no matter what. But what if it was me? Would I have to choose between death and a criminally negligent nursing home?"

"No, Boz, never," Nick said firmly. "You're one of us. If you needed that much care we'd move off the boat and take care of you."

"Sure we would," Cody agreed, still stroking his hip. "And maybe we'd have made sacrifices for Janie if we'd had more time, if we'd known her better. I guess it gets complicated when someone just drops into your lap like that. At least it does for us. You handled it really well."

"Do you think so?"

"Murray, I know so. She was happy. And she died happy. Living like that—Nick and I saw a lot of it after 'Nam and it—it's not at all fun. A lot of strong, brave soldiers gave up and died with more mobility and more options than she's ever had. We couldn't realistically have kept her here, you must know that, and she knew it too. She was going to be scared of something or someone her whole life. Except she wasn't. Do you see? I watched her die and, Boz, I've seen a lot of people die—but I've never seen one less scared than Janie was this morning. You did that."

"I know," he said finally. "I just wish I could have done more."

"We all do," Nick said, seeing that Cody had run out of words. "We probably always will, about a lot of things. But as much as we wish it, we did everything we realistically could and probably even more. I mean, how many people let a stranger die in their bed?"

"She wasn't a stranger. Not to me."

"No, you're right. I'm sorry. But she was when you made up your mind so it counts. Buddy, you did your best and that's just all there is to it. There's no room here to beat yourself up.

"He's right," Cody said, now that he could speak without choking. "It was one of the bravest, manliest things I've ever seen anyone do."

"That goes for me, too. I'd rather spend a weekend in combat than caring for a dying woman, but it just came natural to you, didn't it? I tell you, Bozinsky, you're my hero."

Murray smiled shyly, so pleased and humble, that it was impossible for Nick to not kiss him again. They truly respected his grief, but it also made him sexier and somehow he ended up in Cody's bed after all. He cried when they made him come but it was as much sorrow as joy. The second time it was much more joy.

He was already putting her behind him.


End file.
